The Dirty Pair go to the Laundromat
2021-03-16
It had been a week since the refresher in the 3WA provided temporary accomodation had broken. Despite the pleas of the apartment System, nobody had come to fix it. By this time, Yuri, who was already in a bad mood, had had enough.
She was in a bad mood because of the reason why they were in the temporary accomodation, instead of their comfortable cabins in the attack cruiser /Lovely Angel/, orbiting far above. Although the 3WA's Central Computer had completely exonerated them for their part in the supernova which had engulfed Gibbous V, Kei hadn't filed her discharge-of-a-weapon paperwork properly. So now they had to take a remedial fieldwork refresher course.
So that was bad enough. But now! No clean laundry! Not a stitch! Even their spare uniforms were stained with perspiration from the obstacle course yesterday. Of course that was one wall that was never going to stand in anyone's way again...
Kei was snoring peacefully on the couch in front of the holo. She was surrounded by numerous empty bottles that once held synthetic rotgut, including one specifically labeled as "PAINT THINNER". Thanks to her Lucien heritage, she certainly wouldn't have the hangover she richly deserved when she finally woke.
Yuri didn't have that long to wait. She kicked the lounge savagely.
Any ordinary human, asleep, flush with alchohol poisoning and who knows what else, would have simply shifted slightly or maybe groaned deep in the clutch of sleep. Kei blinked awake in midair, while somersaulting to crouch ready in the middle of the muted holo-display. Laser projected dragons and demons paraded around her confused face. Yuri didn't deign to comment on the 13mm recoilless handgun her partner was pointing at her face.
"Laundry day, sleepyhead! Let's go!"
Muzzily focusing over her iron sights, Kei didn't see the oncoming duffel bag Yuri snapped at her until it bowled her over, right out of the holo. Like most of their equipment, it was bulletproof so the upstairs neighbours were spared the results of her panic firing.
"Geez... You coulda' let me sleep for another *hour* at least!"
"You were about to drown in your own drool, Kei. I did you a favour."
The nearest public refresher was in one of the sub-basement levels. They had changed three elevators so far to get down to it. Yuri was attempting the Valsalva maneuver to relieve the pressure in her ears. With respect to her mood, this was NOT HELPING! Not to mention Kei's whining. She was a Lucien, after all, she had no right to complain about sleep loss!
She could hear some kid bouncing a ball somewhere further down the corridor. Each bounce seemed to ring through her head. This absolutely wasn't fair -- Kei had drunk all the booze and she was the one with a hangover! She tried to stay cheerful.
"Well at least we'll have some clean clothes soon!"
Kei refused to get in the spirit. She just grunted and kicked at a dust bunny.
They were both a sight. Because all their clothes were dirty, they were each wearing whatever had seemed cleanest, but none of it matched. Kei had threatened to go just wrapped in a towel until Yuri had reminded her that all the towels had been used to wipe up that nano spill in the bathroom. So instead she was clad in orange hot pants and a disreputable purple hoodie. Yuri wasn't doing much better herself. -- thermal underwear bottoms from her space suit and self-sparkling party top that she had fished out of a light fixture.
Fortunately, the cheerful green arrows counting down the distance to the refresher comforted her. Without those, by this time, she would have surely gone insane. The turned the corner to find...
A large hand lettered sign -- OUT OF ORDER. A sloppily dressed maintenance man was standing behind it, holding the wall up. The door was firmly closed. Yuri's heart sank.
The tech looked up at the sound of their footsteps. He straightened up. Yuri noticed that his shirt cuffs were about six inches too short for his arms.
"Uh... Sorry for the inconvenience, ladies. This here fachility is closed."
"Closed? Closed for what?"
The tone was pleasant, but Kei, thanks to years of experience, immediately noticed the broken bottle edge to Yuri's voice. She started to back slowly away.
"Uh... Maintenance. Like it says on the sign." The man most have noticed something unconsciously about Yuri's stance. He drew himself up next to the closed door. "So it's closed."
Yuri was usually good natured, one might even say long-suffering. But when pushed too far, she tended to sheer unpredictably. For the moment though, she was holding it in.
"And when will it be open again?"
The man (Kei had mentally designated him "Target One") started to open his mouth to deploy his limited conversational arsenal, but was interrupted by a ringing thud from behind the door. Then it sprang open to reveal a begoggled face, covered in cement dust.
"Rico! Get in here and help! The Swords are hitting the bank from the other side!"
At this, Target One dropped all pretense and kicked the sign aside to grab a compact and nastily efficient looking caseless dart gun. "Just got to take care of a little problem here first, Sammy!"
He never managed to even raise the barrel of the weapon. Kei hit him high and Yuri hit him low. The dart gun spun out of his nerveless fingers. Kei snagged it effortlessly. "Cute!" she whistled.
But Yuri was moving on. She had her service pistol out -- a twin to the one Kei had held on her earlier -- and was already applying herself to the door. It was a fire-grade door, made of some strong, lightweight alloy, set in a frame of similar material, so her kicks didn't bother it at all. With a growl, she slid her fire selector to MEDIUM RANGE -- EXPLOSIVE.
Kei rolled back and covered her ears. Yes, this was definitely the time to be /behind/ something.
A giant's hand folded the door in half, and Yuri gave it a light shove to finish the job. To reveal the refresher complex in ruins, with a bunch of guys clustered around some sort of large, self-propelled digging machine. (It said "SELF-PROPELLED DIGGING MACHINE" on the back, so a pretty solid guess.)
None of the guys had even noticed the door caving in behind them. They were too busy firing over the body of the machine and into a three meter hole neatly cut into the building's foundation wall. Well, most of them were firing, two of them were bleeding out messily from where they had fallen, down near the treads.
Whoever was shooting back from out of the hole wasn't kidding around. Instead of the cute "pew-pew" sounds the little dart guns made, the tunnel echoed with the authoritative barks of serious ordinance.
Because the primary job function of a 3WA Trouble Consultant is to go to where the trouble is (right?), they ditched the laundry near the wreckage of the door and crabbed over to the back of the stalled digging machine. Along the way, Yuri grabbed up one of the dart guns from near a writhing ex-combatant. She tossed Kei some extra magazines as well.
Between the gunshots and the idling engine, it was impossible to talk. Yuri turned back and tapped two fingers to her temple -- /we need intel/. Kei nodded and clambered up the back of the machine. Meanwhile, Yuri ripped the cover off the digger's auxiliary control panel and found a jack slot. The main connector was meant for ruggedized heavy construction interfaces, but she found an alternate that fit her gun targeting cable.
After a moment, Kei returned, describing a ballistic trajectory with a panicky payload. The landing quieted him down some, but that was probably because she landed on top of him. Coordinating with hand signals, they heaved up her prize and retired behind a pillar that was mostly still standing.
"Did you get anything from the digger?"
"No! The log was clean except for where they started it up an hour ago -- they dug the one tunnel then backed out. It's been sitting there running for the last ten minutes. I think they got it down with a freight elevator."
"Well, I got /him/..."
They turned to look the prisoner. He was dressed similarly to the door guard -- a too-short construction coverall that didn't hide his arm tatts, writhing furiously with his racing pulse. He had the wild eyed look of someone who's just realized that he can't feel his legs anymore.
"Who... are you?" he gasped out.
"We're asking the questions here!" Yuri snapped. "Who are /you/?"
"Uh... Um... I'm Fezzo." When they didn't respond to this perfectly pellucid explanation, he clarified: "I'm with the Shins."
Yuri shook her head. Something sounded familiar... She tried again. "What are you doing here, Fezzo?"
"It was Rock's idea. The machine. We was going to hit the big bank. But the Swords... The Swords got there first..." His eyelids flickered rapidly as the colour drained from his face.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Yuri?"
"I'd say that a crime is being committed here!"
"We should definitely do something about that!"
Fezzo was left to stare blankly at the pockmarked ceiling.
The Swords were coming closer -- there was less echo from their shots. It was a mix of something heavy as well as a crackle of smaller arms fire.
"We need cover!"
Yuri patted the side of the digging machine. "This seems pretty solid..." She jacked back in to the thing's pinhead control program. A beat, and then the engine roared from idle to full power. The remaining Shins held on for dear life as the hijacked machine rotated on its treads.
With a sizzling whine, the rotors and digging lasers on the front cutting surface spun up. With a lurch, it started grinding towards the wall, a little left of the existing opening.
The Sword's fire turned frantic. No discipline left as they just unloaded everything they could at the oncoming machine.
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